Interlude

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Disclaimer:  Nothing in the following is intended in any way to make light of the catastrophic hurricanes that have struck the Caribbean and the United States in the last several weeks.  These were horrific events in which people lost their homes and sometimes their lives.  Our hearts go out to those who endured these events and to those families who lost loved ones in the tragedies.  With the idea that laughter is the best medicine, the following continues the irreverent saga of the Banyan Inn.

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So I might as well admit it: I think I caused two hurricanes on the island.

Of the seven deadly sins of which I am guilty, the one that really bites me in the ass is pride; or as my friend Christa and I call it: hubris.  Usually I try to keep a low-key attitude, but sometimes, I toot my own horn.  And EVERY.  FUCKING.  TIME.  I immediately feel the effects of my hubris.  It’s as if the Universe is telling me: “Don’t be a cocky prick,” which is advice I keep forgetting.  There are dozens of these incidents, great and small.  Example No. 1: One time I bet my younger, skinnier, and more athletic friend Josh that I could jump a 6’ fence more gracefully than he could.  The bet ended up with me on my back, gasping for breath, being yelled at by the bouncer to get away from the power cables.  Example No. 2:  One time I took a rare selfie on a golf course and posted it on Facebook with the caption: “Good view from the office.” (I know.  “Dickhead.”)  On about the sixth hole, I tore my bicep tendon and later underwent surgery followed by six months of rehabilitation.  Example No. 3: After a particularly thrilling Packers victory over the Bears, I was dancing around, yelling about how great the Packers were, etc.  My efforts resulted in a garbage can full of snow being dumped on my head.

So, despite these glaring warnings against the sin of hubris, I just couldn't help myself.  The following is the draft of the blog I was writing immediately before Hurricane Irma.  It was about 80% done when we got news that the hurricane was coming.  I can only assume that the hurricanes were another reminder from the universe to shut the fuck up.  God help my soul…

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“Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass.” - William Shakespeare

"They say I'm cocky; and I say 'What?  It ain't braggin' muthafucka if you back it up.'" - Kid Rock

While normally I try to follow the Bard's philosophies, sometimes you need a little K.I.D. in your life.  Following my dad's advice, I'm taking some time to reflect on our successes.  I am proud to announce that the Banyan Inn is now an official international hotel, and therefore, Amy and I (and our partners) are officially international hoteliers.  Since we last spoke we have hosted travelers from five countries over three continents.  We have two sold-out stretches coming up in the next three weeks.  The pool renovations start next week.  We have schedules, invoices, websites, procedures, lawyers, and accountants.  In short, we are actually and truly operating an international hotel in the Turks and Caicos Islands.  BOOM.

Speaking of international... So, the movie Zyzzyx Road, starring Katherine Heigl, is the lowest-grossing film in U.S. history.  It was seen by six patrons.  This blog, in contrast, has had over 7,800 page views.  Therefore, using science, I figure I am now 1,300 times more famous than Katherine Heigl.  This blog has been viewed in over 35 countries around the world.  Now, I know that some of these views were by internet-bots or various international spy agencies; but hey: readership is readership.  (If a joke is told on the internet, but it is only read by internet-bots; is it still funny?  Yeah.  Let that one simmer.)

I think Amy and I have found our calling.  We have both felt that the travelers who stay with us are really staying at our house.  (Although my Hobbit-and-Dungeons-and-Dragons background wants me to refer to people as "travelers," Amy insists on the more appropriate term of "guests.")  We treat our guests exactly like we would anyone staying in our home.  More importantly, we treat our guests as friends, or at least potential friends.  The result has been really rewarding for us.  We have been privileged to have guests who came as strangers and left as friends.  We definitely enjoy our new roles as innkeepers.  (And yes, I have officially changed my job title from International Hotelier to Innkeeper.  Amy wishes to remain an International Hotelier.)

Along the way, we have learned a great deal from our guests about how to improve the property.  They have been kind enough to help us along the way with good advice on amenities and upgrades that we already have implemented.  To that end, we have discovered two fantastic snorkeling locations which are right off the beach and free.  We now offer our guests a limited beverage selection, snacks, and shower and bath items.  (A (I thought) great idea for a stripper pole was outvoted by the management.)  In the next couple weeks, we will be instituting a nightly dinner (cooked by yours truly), which will be available to guests.

Our guests have also awarded us a perfect 5.0 review score on airbnb.  I share a couple of their comments for the sole purpose of self-aggrandizement and shameless promotion:

"Randy and Amy are wonderful hosts! Very hospitable, great detailed communication from the moment I booked throughout. Very attentive and committed to making sure I had a great stay." 

"Best host ever. Randy is very helpful and his property is much more than pictures/description. The house is very comfortable and located in beautiful waterfront. And cheapest price in island. That's amazing price in this paradise. For family, single traveler or group travellers, randy's house(Benian Inn) is best option in island. 1000% Recommend."

We also hosted one of the corporate mucky-mucks of the Banyan Inn. 

Yes ladies and gentlemen, my buddy Davin, who as you know, has given his sweat and blood to this project, also happens to be a Partner, the CTO, and "Mosh Pit Inciter/Igniter" at the Banyan.  He and his girlfriend Nicole came down for a week around Davin's birthday.  As our prior efforts together put us above reproach, we took the week off and did nothing but relax, eat, and enjoy the island.  We also got to hang out, share stories, and drink a few Jack and Cokes with some of our guests.  No mosh pits were incited and/or ignited.

So know this, future Banyan Inn guests, whether you are strangers or old friends, we will welcome you into our home, show you a good time, and hopefully see you again and again.  Peace.