The Devil's Workshop

"Idle hands are the devil's workshop." - Proverbs 16:27

"Boredom always precedes a period of great creativity." - Robert M. Pirsig

As many of you know, I recently suffered the first worksite injury at the Banyan Inn construction site.  Whilst carrying a 16' treated 2x6 down a set of stairs, I stepped down and landed on my ankle.  As I heard the flesh-tearing sound of my ankle turning over and was falling to the ground, I had several thoughts.  First, this was going to hurt.  Bad.  Second, I was pissed at myself for allowing this to happen just as I was in a great run of deck building.  But most importantly, I was worrying about how much construction time this was going to cost me during my rehabilitation.  When I finally hit the ground, I was fucking pissed.

So not being able to walk really put a damper on my Banyan Inn plans.  Sidelined, I limp-paced the hut in frustration.  I couldn't believe that I was going to be forced to waste a week of good weather inside.  Here is where the idle hands come in.  First, I watched Inglorious Basterds for the eighth or ninth time.  (What can I say, I knew I was about to have a lot of time on my hands.)  I then began contemplating watching every episode of Black Mirror again.  Thinking that my time was better spent elsewhere, I decided to work on some Banyan Inn projects that needed my attention. 

Obviously, the most important was designing a kick-ass lighting system on our outdoor stage.

So I grabbed my computer and typed "rock concert lighting design" into YouTube, and leaned back for a long afternoon.  You see, the last time I was in the lighting game was more than 25 years ago.  This meant I had a lot of learning to do.  After about five hours on YouTube catching up on the latest technology, I found myself well-versed in DMX controls, sound-activated moving lights, and programmable LED PAR cans. With my newfound knowledge, I typed "kiss concert" into YouTube, and started writing some shit down.  I found myself spiraling into madness when I was at about $75,000 in lights and lasers.   I stopped and put my pencil down.  I decided that I had reached a good stopping point, but it was time to move on.  (However, I will tell you this: the devil's workshop produced one helluva lighting show.)

Around this time, Amy and I were granted our residency.  Being one of the newest TCI residents, I wanted to familiarize myself with some more local knowledge.  Rugby is the biggest sport down here, and a sport to which I owe no allegiance.  Turns out, the local Providenciales rugby team is known as the Flamingos.  Accordingly, I am now a Flamingos fan.  More importantly, the Banyan Inn is now a Flamingo bar.  I found it serendipitous when I researched how flamingos fight.  This, according to science:

"[T]he most common form of territorial fighting is called 'bill fencing', where the flamingos will bash beaks together until one or the other becomes too tired to continue, and leaves.  Before this event occurs, a complex ritual of determining who is the biggest, by expanding plumes and wings to make them seem larger, and determine which is the strongest."

It occurred to me that if you substituted "bash beaks together" with "drink Jack Daniels together," this is exactly how my friends and I fight.  I felt as one with the flamingos.  I became truly a proud Flamingos fan.  Again, however, I found myself off-track.

FINALLY, I got around to doing something that I actually needed to do.  My next big project, after I finish the pool deck, is to fix the Banyan Inn roof.  My part in this process is to remove all of the existing metal roof from the roughly 8,000 square feet of roof on three structures, sheath the roof in 1/2 inch treated plywood, and apply a waterproof membrane to the entire roof.  I therefore needed to determine how much plywood to buy.

It turns out I need 11,165 pounds of plywood.  Yes, 5 1/2 tons of plywood.  I stopped calculating materials by the piece after the realization that when the materials get here, I have to move each and every fucking pound of the stuff.  Our most recent shipment contained, among other things, 25,500 pounds of 16' pressure-treated 2x6's, and 18,500 pounds of drywall.  This was the shipment after the 5,000 pounds of concrete.  As I'm about 13,000 pounds into the 2x6's, another 11,165 pounds of plywood didn't seem like a big deal.

Another issue that I needed to deal with after I lifted 5 1/2 tons of plywood onto my roof and carried it around on a sloped surface was were to place the plumbing vent pipes.  "For water to flow smoothly, there must be an air passageway behind the water (below).  Vent pipes extend from the drainpipes up through the roof to provide that passage."  Stanley Complete Guide to Plumbing.  I thus began my reading of the aforesaid guide, which my buddy Roger, a New Zealander and a man among men, loaned to me.  I also consulted my plumbing guru, Jean Paul, a buddy from back home.

Before long, I had solved my problem of where to put my vent pipes.  I even designed the entire vent system for the plumbing.  Thus, my boredom had indeed reached a moment of "great creativity."  Inspired, I am reading my way through the Stanley Complete Guide to Plumbing, and have lined up Dick Kreh's Building with Masonry.

Sadly, the Devil's Workshop will be closing soon as I hope to be back in action in a few days.  But know this, future Banyan Inn guests: even injured, we will never stop making sure the Flamingos fans have a place to cheer and that your live music will include an epic light show.  See you in the playoffs.  GO FLAMINGOS!!