Sonic Entrance

"If heavy metal bands ruled the world, we'd be a lot better off." - Bruce Dickenson

Now that Amy was heading back to the States, I had a few days to start to get the two additional rooms ready.  My plan was to work as much as I could on the rooms, but I had an ulterior motive: to start putting the Banyan Inn on the sonic map of the island.  And by sonic map, I mean I wanted to start blasting some hard-charging rock and roll from the property to the neighborhood.

I wanted to do this for three reasons:

First, there is no hard rock music on this island.  None of the three radio stations here play rock music.  Rather, they play a mix of pop music and shitty hip hop.  Also, the local live music consists of either reggae music or acoustic classic rock.  Acceptable, but not complete.  Seeing that there was a hole in the musical tapestry on the island, I, like Prometheus, wanted to bring the fire of rock music to the masses.

Second, I wanted to introduce myself to the neighbors I had not met yet.  I think you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to.  Thus, I wanted to help those around me get to know me, through the majesty of metal.

Third, I wanted to start sending a message to the visitors and passersby within earshot.  I wanted to let them know that the Banyan Inn was going to be a house of rock and that said rock music was going to be loud.  I wanted them to know this was going to be a place where a man could order Jack Daniels by the bottle.  I wanted to get them used to the eardrum-shattering decibels when Sammy Hagar and I did our "One Way to Rock" guitar solos.  

On the first morning, my task was to clean up the rooms to get them ready for painting.  This was a daunting task:

I gave a great deal of thought to the first song to be blasted at the Banyan Inn.  As I am an immigrant to the island, I chose "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin.  ("We come from the land of the ice and snow...")  The idea of equating immigrants with raiding Vikings struck the right chord as to how I wanted to begin the sonic presence of the Banyan Inn.  I followed up with a day's worth of good old American rock music, including "Noble Savage" by Clutch ("Did you not take into account I'm an uncivilized man"), "Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine ("Fuck you I won't do what you tell me"), and, obviously, "One Way to Rock" by Sammy Hagar ("I've heard it called by different names all over the world but it's all the same").  I stayed with American rock for the rest of the day, including goodly doses of Tool, KISS, and Guns N' Roses.  Passersby didn't seem offended, but definitely got the message that there was a new musical sheriff in town.

The next day was one I had been looking forward to since we got here.  When we first arrived, in the pool room, I discovered the property's sledge hammer.  Now, I've got to use a lot of cool tools since I got here, but the sheer destructive force of a sledgehammer is unparalleled.  As I waited patiently for the day I would be able to use the hammer, obviously named Mjolnir (Thor's hammer's name), I wrote it a haiku:

Mighty Sledgehammer,

Thine longing for destruction,

Sated, soon will be.

Here is a picture of Mjolnir, standing before his first victim:

Now, when one is swinging sledgehammer, one does not simply play any music.  Sledgehammering music must reflect the tool itself: simple, brutal, and hard-charging.  There is only one band that can be played whilst sledgehammering, it is a scientific fact.  The man's name is Lemmy and the band is Motorhead.  I played only Motorhead this day.  I played Motorhead extra loud.  Mjolnir, Lemmy, and I, sang and danced to the sweet sounds of walls crumbling.  When we had finished, we sat, sweat-soaked and weary, and smoked a victory cigarette over the rubble of our vanquished foes.

By now we were turning some passersby's heads.  But by the looks of those heads, questions were starting to arise.  "What is that sweaty little man doing with that sledgehammer?"; "Why is he grinning like a lunatic?"; and "Did that song just say 'if you squeeze my lizard, I'll put my snake on you'?"

The questioning looks returned the following day, when I decided that Rage Against the Machine was to provide the soundtrack.  It was time to make our first political, as well as musical, statement.  I wanted to make sure people knew that at the Banyan Inn, we side with the people vs. the tyrant; freedom vs. oppression; and action over complacency.  Also, by now, I had not showered in a couple days, had eaten only meat and water, and was feeling a little revolutionary.

It was around this time that Amy returned from Chicago.  While I think she was duly-impressed with the progress I had made, she was not on board with my rock-and-roll assault on the island.  ("Can you please play anything but what you are playing?  It makes me want to kill someone.")

Relaxing and watching Daddy paint 

in his underwear listing to yacht rock

Because I love my wife, and because as there are only two of us here, if "someone" gets killed it will necessarily be me, I decided to switch gears.  I switched from demolition to painting the two additional guest rooms.  I fired up my "yacht rock" playlist on YouTube.  The air was filled with the sounds of Christopher Cross, Hall & Oates, and Toto.  A pleasant calm descended on the property.  The once-horrified passersby now were completely confused.  Also, because we were on the third day of over 90 degree weather, and I was sick of walking around in sweat-drenched shorts, I decided to complete the painting wearing only my underwear.  As the day ended, and with my sonic entrance to the island completed, I brought the set full circle with "Over the Hills and Far Away" by Led Zeppelin ("Many dreams come true, and some have silver linings; I live for my dream and a pocket full of gold").  Fin.

So, future Banyan Inn guests, know that whether you enjoy Motorhead and Jack Daniels or Fleetwood Mac and chardonnay, we can cater to your musical tastes.  The jukebox is large, the drinks are cold, and on the right day, we may be working in our underwear.