Water, Water, Everywhere

Sorry for the delay.  Things have been moving fast and furious and I have been shirking my blogging duties.  I am, however, getting into a nice rhythm and should do better.  That being said...


Well, we made it to Providenciales.  We landed, dropped our stuff, and like Tom Hanks in Castaway, our first goal was to secure our water supply.  (Well, the first goal was actually to grab a 12-pack of beer and celebrate the beginning of our adventure, but I digress).

Now, Turks and Caicos has a lot of things, beautiful beaches, sunshine for days, and aqua-colored water as far as the eyes can see.  The problem with all of the island's turquoise-colored water, however, is you can't drink a drop.  (That's right, we live in the world of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner: "Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink")  In fact, the island of Providenciales has no fresh water supply on the whole island.

The only two places one can get fresh water on the island are God almighty and the Provo Water Company.  God supplies water in the form of refreshing rain showers that come every couple of days for an hour or so- enough to take out the humidity in the air and lower the temperature a few degrees to a comfortable afternoon level.  The Provo Water Company supplies water in the form of desalinated ocean water which comes through on/off pipes that come into everyone's property.

God, being slightly more altruistic than the Provo Water Company, provides his water for free.  The Provo Water Company, on the other hand, charges out the ass for every drop which moves through their dirty capitalist clutches and into your sink.

To take advantage of the free water which falls from the sky every day, (I'm not kidding, when I see rain coming down I see dollar bills falling all around), most buildings on the island have underground cisterns, which collect the rainwater and are used for everything from toilets, to showers, to washing clothes and dishes.  Our facility has two such cisterns, which contain about 80,000 gallons of water when fully-filled.  The problem, of course, was our cistern system was in serious need of repair.

Our cistern system counts on water coming from the roof and down into gutters, which move the water to the cistern.  Our first step in collecting the free water was to replace the gutter system of the property.  My friend Davin and I, of course, had the same amount of experience in repairing and replacing gutter systems- absolutely none.  We were not, however, going to allow such a small detail of knowing absolutely nothing about something to get in the way of our destiny.

So we hitched up our flip flops and proceeded to the Do-It Center (think Home Depot with 20% of the selection, and prices around 300% higher).  Our first contact on the island, an ex-pat Canadian, offered us a 20-foot shitty aluminum extension ladder (U.S. Retail: $99.99), for the low-low price of $320.  We used our powers of persuasion, guile, and negotiation to barter the price down to exactly $320.

Nonetheless, after gathering our supplies, we headed to the job site full of ambition, attitude, and a healthy dose of self-preservation instinct.

Work doesn't have to be boring
Assessing the situation.
With no one from OSHA in sight, we proudly constructed our scaffolding from two ladders, some scrap wood, and a dining table.

First blood....
If you're gonna fall to your death, it might as well be in a pretty place.

Much like the ancient Roman architect Vitruvious, we successfully brought water from its source to be used by the masses.  (Trips to Do-It Center: 3)  At Lionfish Hotel, we take your water needs seriously, seriously to injure ourselves in bringing you the finest sky water with which to flush your toilets.

Following the completion of this project, it did not rain for four days.... I shit you not.

So we waited.... and waited... and waited...

We played our rain-inducing music and did our rain dances...

And on the fifth day, the sky water came...

... and it was glorious.

So please, when you visit the Lionfish Hotel, and you use your toilet or take your shower, please remember Davin and I fondly with each flush.  Next up- Fun with Crowbars.


  1. Every trade show and fair I've ever been to has the vendor selling rain gutter solutions. I've always been like "who would EVER care? Which way to the beer tent and Gravitron?" but after owning a home surrounded with trees and seeing this... I'm ever so interested in what those people have to say.

    - Joel


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